Hey friend,
There was a time when I was living in Accra and would come into Lagos every now and then. And whenever I came into town, my default was simple: get everyone together!
One big hangout. Everyone I loved, in one place. For me, it felt efficient. Even thoughtful. I mean, I was making time for my friends.
But then, one of those friends sat me down one day and told me it was not fair. Because they were not all close to each other. And by always bringing everyone together, I was nurturing my own friendships, but not theirs. I was choosing what was convenient for me without really thinking about what the group actually needed.
I definitely thought about that for a while.
Was I lazy? Was I just taking the easy route? Maybe both. But what I know is that it made me realize something important in group friendships. Not everyone in the circle will be equally close. And not only is that okay, it is actually expected.
When you have three, four, or more people in a friendship group, things will naturally change over time. Two people start talking more often. Another pair discovers they share a specific struggle or interest. Someone else might pull back a little.
I have watched this happen in my own friendships. People I was not particularly close to years ago, I am closer to now. And some I felt very connected to have moved into a different kind of rhythm. Not necessarily a fight or some big moment. Just life doing what life does.
For a while, I did not always know what to do with it. I would notice the change and wonder. Was something wrong? Had I done something? Was the friendship okay?
But I am learning that friendships evolve at different speeds and in different directions. And that does not make them less real.
What helps me is choosing not to panic when things feel a little off. Instead, leaning towards understanding. Honest communication where it is needed and trusting that the bond is bigger than a single season.
Question:
When last did you spend time with a group friend, just the two of you?