But What Is The Goal Though?

Hey friend,

During the last No Be Beans Session, something came up that sounded like a joke but has lingered with me since.

Someone asked something in the line of, what is the common goal of a group friendship?

The room found it hilarious. For the rest of the session, someone would randomly say but what is the goal though? and everyone would lose it again. It became the inside joke of the day.

But underneath the laughter, there was a real question there.

Recently, a friend sent me something she had been reading about friendship. The idea was quite simple. That the friendships that tend to last are the ones with some kind of regularity. Not grand gestures. Not yearly reunions. Just consistent, ordinary contact.

And when I looked at my own friendships honestly, I could see it. The ones that have lasted have had some rhythm to them. And the ones that fizzled out? More often than not, it was when that rhythm stopped.

So I found myself going back to that goal question. And I think there is something worth thinking about.

Because when you know what a friendship is for, it gives you a reason to keep showing up. Are we the friends that pray together? The ones that check in on each other’s work? The ones that just make each other laugh when life gets heavy? Even that small clarity could become the thing that keeps a friendship alive.

I think what we sometimes miss as adults is that we did not build our childhood friendships through intention and strong will. We had infrastructure. School. Dorms. Goals. Timetables that put us in the same room day after day. The system indeed did the work and the friendship grew inside it.

That system is gone now. And nobody tells you that when you grow up.

So the question becomes, how do you create your own regularity? How do you create the goal when life is no longer doing it for you?

For me, it has meant becoming more intentional than feels natural. Sending a voice note just to check in. Dropping a text as soon as they cross my mind. Putting reminders on my phone to reach out to people who matter to me. Not waiting until there is news or a specific reason. Just showing up in small, ordinary ways.

Because without the intention, most adult friendships will very likely fade. Not necessarily from conflict. Or from falling out. Just from life. Full, busy, life that does not slow down for anybody.

Question: If your friendships had a purpose beyond just enjoying each other, what would it be?