Hey friend,
I remember speaking with a friend once, listening to her vent about an issue she had with someone.
As she spoke, something kept ringing in my head. Not because what she was sharing was super dramatic. But because of the way she was sharing it. The words she chose. The tone.
I kept thinking, ah but this is your friend. Your really close friend. If I was the one you had this issue with, is this how you would speak about me? I didn’t say that part out loud (perhaps I should have) but that situation did something to the way I saw the friendship.
Now, let me not pretend. I have been on the giving side of this too. There have been times I have shared more than I should have, and dwelt on the other person’s fault more than my own contribution to the issue.
What I am learning is that there is a difference between processing a conflict and narrating it. One is done with love and self-awareness, trying to understand, trying to grow. The other is done from the heat of the emotion, and without meaning to, you can transfer your pain to someone who was never part of the situation.
Confidentiality is one of the best gifts you can give your friends.
And in a group friendship especially, it matters even more. Because if the people closest to you cannot trust that their private, unguarded moments are safe with you, something in the bond begins to change subtly.
Question:
Would your friends feel safe hearing how you speak about them?