Hey friend,
There are seasons where our friendships are tested.
Not always through conflict, but through change.
Sometimes, a friend does not have the same relational capacity they once did. Life shifts. Priorities expand. Emotional bandwidth reduces. And without saying much, the dynamic begins to feel different.
In those moments, we may tend to focus on what we are no longer receiving. The attention. The responsiveness. The ease.
But I am learning that friendship requires us to look out for more than only our own needs.
I have been on both sides of this.
As a recipient, I have experienced moments where someone showed up for me in a way that removed every doubt I had about their friendship, because I knew it was not convenient for them.
As a giver, I have also been stretched. Trained to show up with patience. To be less reactive. To become more selfless. To recognise where I may have leaned too heavily on someone emotionally, and to learn how to carry myself better.
Both experiences were not comfortable. But they deepened the friendships in ways ease never could.
Not every season will feel the same. But not every imbalance is a sign that something is broken. Sometimes, it is a call for us to grow in how we love.
Question:
How do you respond when a friend cannot show up the way they used to?
Comments
8 responses
I never expected friends to show up like I do. I go all out because I feel friendship must mean something. I recently was shown by someone I thought was sister that “I “was used” because I was too available”. It has broken me till date. Back to the question, If a friend can’t show up like the used to, they might be going through something or probably tired. It wouldn’t be a deal.
Sigh
I am sorry about that experience. Hopefully it is probably only one person’s opinion.
I believe friendships flourish through seasons, i try to first establish that my friend has nothing that has made them change towards me apart from the fact that they changed in their personal and professional life which paved the way for a realignment for our friendship and this can only happen when we understand each other clearly and stay true to our friendship.
I really like this angle. It shows the importance of reflecting first instead of assuming.
I will usually distance myself from them but right now, I am learning to communicate and give grace. Realizing that everyone has their own battles and we don’t handle life experiences alike.
Thanks for the beautiful reflection.
Love the new insight. It is difficult but is so important to consider grace.
That situation can feel quietly painful, especially when you’re used to someone being a certain way and then things change. its good to reach out with message by saying “I’ve noticed we don’t talk or hang out like we used to. I miss that, but I also hope you’re okay.”
Checking out on the person to know his or her present status its very important and that give you edge to help in your capacity.
I love this approach. Recognises the emotion and choosing to investigate before acting. Thank you!